The reason that my mom taught me to fear myself
was so that she could maintain control over me.
When I do things that nourish my spirit, mind, and body then I begin to feel hopeful.
Happier.
Slow mornings spent in the sun taking care of myself. To release what is stored up inside of me.
“When you move your muscles, you move your emotions.” My intention is to start living each day with an intention.
“Worry is a meditation on shit.”
Why do I feel like I need the love of my birth family? Be Well. How do I ride the waves without losing my true self?
Why do I believe that only the happy version of myself is my true self? My whole life I have lived on the edge
constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop; or to literally be thrown at me.
Chaos is normal.
There is nothing wrong with me. My responses were and are healthy reactions when faced with a hostile environment.
I want to be loved.
I want to be missed.
And I want to be left alone. I must love myself. To die or to disappear, my fantasies. My dark thoughts. I can barely voice to myself.
Make it a day without saying their names. As opposed to being simply content I am also complacent.
I need to soothe my overwrought nervous system. And sitting next to anxiety makes me anxious.
MAD MARTYR!
My guts are tired. Sleep. Lock myself in an off-grid cabin and water fast for three days just to get rid off all of the toxicity
in my body. Are tummy issues really just daddy issues? I wish I missed my mother.
I wish I missed a place called home. Emotional Emptying.
Because I knew that I wanted peace and quiet, I didn’t want to live in a
chaotic house.
My body has learned to always be in pain because that pain is better than feeling the emotional pain.
Golden Teacher.
Contrarian Spirit.
