Dawn is approaching and I have awoken. My body does this naturally. It is almost as if I can feel the sun pulling me. I slip out of bed, careful to not disturb the sleeping god next to me. My angel. I looked through heaven and hell and finally found him. He needed me as much as I need him. We gave each other a solid foundation to stand upon and grow from. Usually he would be rising with me as we have come to savor our early morning runs together. But not today. He worked late last night and deserves the extra hours of rest and recuperation.
I close the door and turn the fan on as I will be less likely to disturb him that way. He is equally thoughtful of me when I need the rest. I stumble down the stairs a bit. Still not quite fully awake. The sun has not crested the horizon. But my body knows that it is coming. In the kitchen I find a glass of cold brew left in the fridge with a little bit of coconut milk mixed in. It was left here so that I can drink it quickly to power this hour of my life. Running shorts on and my shoes are tied. I put in my headphones, nothing heavy in these early hours, just light and happy Krishna tunes.
We live less than one mile from a National Park. I call it: My Park. My personal slice of heaven on earth. The warm dry desert air greets me. Even when it is dark outside it is still 85 degrees. I have just a sports bra on so that I can feel the wind on my skin; my wind that I create, while I Run. I run the earth. I run the morning. I run with the rising of the sun. I’m in My Park. I’m moving easily. I know where every rock and bump lie in the trail. The music guides me. I have just enough light from the approaching sun that I do not need a headlamp.
I round the bend, coming upon the springs, the water source of the desert. Water is so precious; water is life. I am less than two miles from my home and my sleeping husband in our bed. Then I see, Him. He is less than fifteen feet from me on the trail ahead. Stealth. Beautiful. Muscular. Sleek. Long tail moving with his muscles. I try to hit the brakes but my own forward motion makes me continue to glide towards him while my arms swing wildly behind me, feet trying to run in reverse, like an animated creature in a child's cartoon. No sound escapes me. I have stopped breathing and my hand knows to pull the bud out of my ear. This is a goddamned mountain lion and I am running towards him as he walks down to the water for a morning drink. I am most likely going to die.
These are the thoughts that are racing through my mind, but they are not actual words, they are feelings. Feelings that I feel as strongly as I feel my own heartbeat; which is now the only sound in the world and it is pulsating in my ears: Boom-Boom, Boom-Boom, Boom-Boom. He is staring at me and I am, thank god, finally stopped. Our eyes are locked. Should I avert my gaze, will he think that I am threatening him? I at least know not to run as that will provoke his chase instinct. He is not that big but he is also not that small, probably a juvenile, which makes him even more dangerous as he is still learning how to live in this modern world. He is definitely a male, as those are hanging low.
He really does seem like he is strolling, unperturbed by my presence. As fascinated by me as I am by him. He just keeps walking, he never even stops or pauses, but he does keep our gaze locked as he looks back over his shoulder at me. Our eyes, our souls, stay merged until he leaves the trail and reenters the desert brush, hidden now by a field of cholla, prickly pear, and massive saguaros. Now that I can no longer see him I wonder what should I do? I just stand there. I am too afraid to turn around, to turn my back on him. I am also too afraid to go forward, thinking that he is going to swing around to stalk me. I will not run a single step, that is for sure. That is the last thing I would ever do. I wait. I look at my watch. I will wait a few more minutes.
I go forward. I do not decide I simply start moving. I turn around repeatedly watching my back. I am not running, but I am walking at a good clip. I hurry. Fifteen minutes of fast-walk-hiking that feel like fifteen hours. I finally leave the trail and find pavement. Again, I do not decide, I just start running. Hard!
I run home as fast as I possibly can. I have never ran this fast in my life. I hit the front door and I am gasping for breath. The house is spinning. I have made up all of the time that I spent standing and watching and waiting. This run was not longer than I had scheduled; it actually may have been a personal best. I keep running once I am in the house, straight up the stairs two at a time, I’m short and I can usually never skip steps, but I ascend quickly and I fling open the bedroom door.
My love sits straight up in bed and gives me the what’s going on eyes. I say, “I Saw a Fucking Mountain Lion!” He flings the covers off and stands up so fast that I love him even more for his instantaneous response, “That’s not fair, I want to see a Mountain Lion!”
