escape

 "Through the window from my bed, I see the boundless space - no ending, no beginning of immensity. Sometimes it is a light pastel color of blue, sometimes it is foggy, murky, unclear and stifling, and sometimes it is clear through. Colors change many times a day. 

Nothing is the same, everything changes."  ~Hibi~

security is false,

the alarms are unchecked

untethered

they ring,

without smoke.

stop. it's a false alarm.

turn it off.

make it stop.

silence that incessant ringing.

sympathetic nervous system overload.

burnout.

burn.

(burn it to the ground)

the signals were crossed,

at conception.

haywire.

unbound.

unshackled.

unfettered.

unbridled.

unwinding.

(or perhaps i am already unwound)

the road,

only continues.

no end in sight.

you think you see,

the finish line.

but it is

a corner,

a curve,

a bend.

did you hear me,

Bend!

do the work!

but i've done the

fucking work!

so, turn the page.

finish the chapter.

close the book,

and for god's sake,

turn off that goddamn light!

so i can get some rest.

 and forget.

forget you.

forget you all.

possibly forgive.

forgive!?

forgive who,

you?

fuck you.

fuck you.

that's right.

can you hear me?

i said,

FUCK YOU!

(how unlady like)

you don't deserve

my forgiveness.

you never even

asked.

but,

however,

and meanwhile...

 

i deserve to forgive you.

the chains that bind,

me to you

you to me

need to be bent 

and broken.

i will complete the ceremonial burning in this ritual called life. i will chant the words. i will bow my head to god and raise my finger to you. i will lift my hands to the sky and enact the rights. i will cry unto the heavens until i am heard. 

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!!

then, i will wrap the pages - i will wrap the past. i will release it and release you. i will give it away for a stranger to find. in some book box along the road when all they wanted was a good novel to escape into.

and you won't even know. because you don't even care.

is this poetry?

or did i just

vomit my soup.